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Session #8 – Tweens/Teens Slides – Oct. 2022

Letting go in the teen years takes courage! Even though letting go can be terrifying, it can also be very rewarding. Letting go is not about abandoning our teens. Letting go is about handing the reins over to our teens and having faith in them to make their own decisions. When we let go, our teens get to experience the results of making choices for themselves, rather than choosing to do things that will please us or others. They also get to embrace the fact that they are capable creators of their own life.

This poem by Kahlil Gibran is a wonderful reminder of the importance of letting go and allowing our children to become whom they are meant to be. As my children grow into teens I find this poem both humbling and comforting. I may always see them as “my little babes,” yet I can also see them for the independent, capable young adults they are becoming.

Self esteem is the estimate we pass on to ourselves. A higher self esteem is developed when we believe we are significant and capable. This belief is gained through EXPERIENCES in dealing with disappointments, solving problems and having lots of opportunities to learn from mistakes.

As parents we can have a great impact on our teen’s self esteem. One of the most powerful ways to encourage our teens is through modeling that mistakes are opportunities to learn. Another way is to “give courage” to our teens when they are in the midst of a challenge and on the verge of “giving up”. We can encourage them by noticing any and all small attempts and showing faith in their ability to overcome the challenge, learn from it, and move forward.

One of the best ways to encourage our teens is to focus on progress NOT perfection .

We learn THROUGH our experiences. Each time we experience (or learn) something new important changes take place in our brain, including the creation of new connections between our neurons. This phenomenon is called neuroplasticity. The more you practice, the stronger these connections become.

Mistakes are fundamental to this process! Progress is not linear. Progress is a journey full of ups and downs that requires us to have the courage to make mistakes.

While the challenge of technology may be new, our kids needs are the same. They still need to be safe (emotionally and physically) to be connected to us and their peers & to be significant (have a purpose, contribute & follow their passions). When asking yourself how much is too much screen time, consider the following questions:

One of the best ways to model healthy screen use is to “live your life out loud,” which means just that. Talk out loud when your kids are near about your experience using screens. Here are some examples to get you thinking…

Your relationship with your teen IS the bottom line. We forget that when we show up with our critical face. Focus instead on connecting to your teen and remember the principle, Connection BEFORE Correction.

Here are some ideas:

• Let your love SHOW when you enter the room focus on your love for your teen and refrain from assuming they are “up to no good”
• Be their STEADY PRESENCE – which may mean not taking things personally and not holding a grudge
• Be genuinely interested in what they are interested in.
• Be intentional in carving out time to just be near them…without an agenda.
• Schedule special time with your teen! Have fun and enjoy them too!